Welcome back to ShitBio.com, where we torch bad domain portfolios so you don’t have to. This time, we’re skewering a list from NamePros member wass1, who posted in the forum with a hopeful plea: “Hi all, looking for feedback on my portfolio of domains in terms of valuations, anything stand out, etc? I have them listed in for sale forum / make offer, but thought I’d get your opinions.” Poor guy probably expected a pat on the back. Instead, within 10 minutes, he got roasted: “Zero value for all of them. The half on a list doesn’t even make any sense… the other half are combos created very poorly.” Brutal. Let’s dive in, roast these domains to a crisp, and teach you what not to do as a domain investor.
The Portfolio: A Dumpster Fire in Three Acts
Wass1 dropped a whopping 66 domains, and we’ve sorted them into three categories: Nonsense Word Salad, Clunky Keyword Mashups, and Kinda Okay but Still Nope. Spoiler alert: most of these belong in the digital trash bin.
Nonsense Word Salad
These domains sound like someone tripped over their keyboard and hit “register.” No brand would touch them with a ten-foot pole.
- HARRYNIPPLES.COM
What’s the pitch here? A hairy-chested barista franchise? It’s catchy in the way a car crash is—everyone stares, but no one’s buying.
- SCREWTHISFORKTHAT.COM
Edgy? Maybe. Marketable? Hell no. It’s the domain equivalent of a toddler’s tantrum—cute until you have to deal with it.
- STUBBLYBUSH.COM
A landscaping side hustle? A beard grooming blog? Who knows! It’s vague, awkward, and forgettable.
- TIQEE.COM & WEENQ.COM
These sound like typos from a drunk QWERTY rampage. Unpronounceable, unspellable, and unsellable.
- WHATCHAGOTTODAY.COM
Too long, too casual, and reeks of “I’ll figure out the business later.” It’s a question, not a brand.
Clunky Keyword Mashups
These try to jam keywords together but end up as awkward, unappealing messes. Clarity and intent? Missing in action.
- BSTOCKBONANZA.COM
“BStock” could mean bulk stock, bargain stock, or busted stock. Pair it with “Bonanza,” and you’ve got a clearance sale no one trusts.
- MARQUEE99.COM
Marquee what? The “99” adds nothing but confusion—dollar store vibes without the charm.
- OPTIXUNIVERSE.COM
“Optix” hints at eyewear, but “Universe” turns it into sci-fi gibberish. Are we selling glasses or spaceships?
- THEREFURBSITE.COM
Refurbished what? Site for what? It’s so generic it could be anything—or nothing at all.
Kinda Okay but Still Nope
These aren’t total disasters, but they’re still not worth your time or money. Some flirt with potential; others flirt with lawsuits.
- DISNEYLODGING.COM
Bold move, wass1. Disney’s lawyers are already drafting the cease-and-desist. Trademarked names are a one-way ticket to regret.
- MEDICATIONMAN.COM
A pharmacy? A superhero? Either way, it’s too niche and sounds like it ships pills in unmarked vans.
- SECUREMYGUN.COM
Functional, sure, but not brandable. It’s a keyword phrase, not a business name—better as a PPC landing page than a portfolio gem.
- CANNABISOUTPOST.COM
Not awful for a weed startup, but “outpost” feels dated. It’s niche without being clever.
Why This Portfolio Flops Hard
Let’s dissect the carnage. These domains fail for three big reasons—mistakes every domainer should dodge.
Zero Brandability
A domain should stick in your head and roll off your tongue. Google.com? Brandable. HARRYNIPPLES.COM? A nightmare. Most of wass1’s names are too quirky, too long, or too weird to build a business on. If your domain sounds like a prank, it’s DOA.
Keyword Chaos
Keywords can juice up SEO, but only if they’re clear and relevant. BSTOCKWAREHOUSE.COM leaves buyers guessing—what’s for sale? Meanwhile, OPTIXGALAXY.COM mashes words into a cosmic mess. Good keyword domains tell a story; these just tell a riddle.
Legal Landmines
Picking a fight with a trademark is domaining suicide. DISNEYLODGING.COM isn’t clever—it’s a legal liability. Big brands don’t mess around, and neither should you. Stay original or pay the price.
How to Pick Domains That Don’t Suck
Roasting is fun, but let’s drop some wisdom. Here’s what makes a domain worth your cash.
Brandability First
Short, catchy, and pronounceable wins the day. Nike.com works because it’s simple and strong. SNUUZERS.COM? Nope—misspellings and oddball vibes kill it.
Smart Keywords
If you’re chasing SEO, pick keywords that mean something. CheapTickets.com is clear and valuable. MARQUEECLOSEOUTS.COM is a vague snooze-fest.
Safe TLDs
Stick to .com, .io, or .co unless you’ve got a genius plan. Weird TLDs like .xyz or .club scream “cheap” to most buyers. FOXYGEAR.COM beats FOXYGEAR.XYZ every time.
Conclusion: Don’t Be a Wass1
Wass1’s portfolio is a cautionary tale—66 domains of pure chaos, from nonsensical flops to legal ticking time bombs. But we get it: domaining’s a grind, and we all start somewhere. Learn from this roast: prioritize brandability, nail your keywords, and don’t tempt fate with trademarks. Your next domain could be a winner—or at least not a punchline.