Roasting a Domainer’s Portfolio: A Lesson in Bad Domain Names
Mr. B on DNForum amassed a collection of domain names he can’t sell, despite slashing prices to what he insists are “bargains.” A peek at his portfolio reveals a comedy of errors: number substitutions, tongue-twisting lengths, and downright bizarre choices. In this post, we’ll roast his domains with a mix of humor and hard-earned lessons, showing you what not to do in domain investing.
The Portfolio
There were almost a hundred of domain names listed on the thread. Let’s have a taste of Mr. B’s questionable treasures:
- lightsabersamurai.com – $55
- imheretofixalloftheproblemsyoudontevenknowyouhave.com – $55
- b00mer.com – $59
- oculolinctus.com – $99
- dru6s.com – $1299
- 6oom.com – $1999
These are real examples (well, hypothetically real for Mr. B), and their flaws are ripe for roasting.
Why These Domains Are Bad
Let’s break down the missteps, category by category, with a side of sass and some solid insights.
Number Substitutions – The Cheapskate’s Choice
Domains like b00mer.com, dru6s.com, and 6oom.com swap letters for numbers, screaming “I couldn’t afford the real thing.”
Data from NameBio, a trusted domain sales database, shows that domains with numbers often fetch lower prices than their letter-only peers. For instance, boomer.com might sell for a premium, while b00mer.com sits unsold. Buyers want professionalism, not a text-message vibe.
Roast: “‘b00mer.com’—because nothing says ‘cutting-edge’ like a domain stuck in 1999 AOL chatroom aesthetics.”
The Never-Ending Domains – A Mouthful
Take imheretofixalloftheproblemsyoudontevenknowyouhave.com.
It’s longer than a CVS receipt and twice as forgettable. Short domains rule the market: single-word names can sell for millions (think cars.com), while marathon phrases like this languish. Typing it is a workout; remembering it is a lost cause.
Roast: “A domain so long, it needs its own scrollbar. Good luck fitting that on a business card, Mr. B.”
The Cleverly Confusing – What Even Is That?
oculolinctus.com sounds like a Latin spell, but it’s actually eyeball-licking (yes, it’s a thing – don’t Google it at lunch). Obscure or off-putting terms tank brandability. A domain should be clear and marketable, not a trivia question.
Roast: “‘oculolinctus.com’—ideal for the niche market of eyeball enthusiasts. Population: Mr. B and his cat.”
The Brand Failures – When Naming Goes Wrong
Names like bossfat.com and babyfatter.com (imagined cousins in Mr. B’s stash) are branding disasters. They’re either insults or just plain unappealing. A good domain evokes curiosity or trust, not a cringe.
Roast: “‘bossfat.com’—because who wouldn’t want their company tied to a weight-loss infomercial reject?”
The Niche Gone Wrong – Too Specific, Too Weird
lightsabersamurai.com mashes up Star Wars and feudal Japan—cool for a fanfic, terrible for a domain. Hyper-specific niches limit buyers, and without a clear audience (or a Jedi convention sponsorship), it’s dead weight.
Roast: “‘lightsabersamurai.com’—for when your target market is one guy in a cosplay basement.”
Lessons Learned
Mr. B’s flops offer a crash course in domain investing. Here’s what to take away:
- Ditch the Numbers – They cheapen your domain. Stick to letters for credibility.
- Short Is Sweet – Memorable beats marathon every time. Aim for brevity.
- Brandability Matters – Avoid confusion or negative vibes. Make it marketable.
- Niche Wisely – Too specific kills versatility. Broader appeal wins.
- Value Realistically – Clever to you doesn’t mean valuable to others.
No sale price guesses here—without historical data from a source like NameBio, it’s all hot air. But these domains’ flaws suggest they’re more likely to collect dust than dollars.
Conclusion
This portfolio is a masterclass in misadventure, a hilarious cautionary tale for aspiring domainers. Laugh at his expense, learn from his blunders, and build a portfolio that doesn’t need a roast to get attention. If your domain sounds like a punchline, it’s time to rethink your strategy.